It was a typical Thursday afternoon. I was scrambling to get dinner ready while the girls scrambled to see how big of a mess they could make before I was done making dinner. I was just getting the meat off the grill when I heard "Gulp, gulp." I looked over just in time to see Tess puke all over the kitchen floor.
As I was stripping her down and cleaning up the mess I thought to myself, This is not the flu, this is not the flu, she drank her water too quickly. I was in major denial. Every environment we had come near on any given day this week had the flu racing through it like a wildfire. But I still held out every hope I had.
She just needed food, I thought. She'll be better after dinner. 3 little girls sat down on the bench for dinner and Tess took 1 bite, turned and puked all over Emme. (Now Emme, being the drama queen that she is, certainly didn't calm the situation. One would have thought from her piercing screams that the puke had been sulfuric acid and that her skin was melting off).
It was official......the flu.
Poor little Tess continued to puke for another 8 hours and had nothing left in her. I was most afraid that I was going to look down and see a vital organ that had mistakenly been puked out. Luckily, at 3am, the puking stopped as quickly as it had started. This was not just the flu, this was the flu ramped up on caffeine or something. Tess managed to puke all over every family member, including our dear sweet lab Phoebe, who just laid and took it. The only family member who was not hit was Lily; Lily made it out clean.
24 hours later, it was Emme's turn. Although Emme's was not quite as bad she managed to puke 8 times in 5 hours. However, as many know, neither vomit, nor fever will stop Emme from being Emme and she managed to continue "ruling" the world between trips to the bathroom.
I have seen more vomit in the last 48 hours than one should have to see. Tess is 2 and therefore never made it to a toilet. I have cleaned vomit from clothing, rugs, blankets, couches, beds, hair, and even shoes. I am now sitting and waiting for the last little girl (the one who made it out clean) to vomit all over something, because as we all know, all good things, come in threes.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Please Don't Arrest Us!
My mother has given me some very wise advice on parenting: never threaten something you will not actually do.
One of my biggest pet-peeves: tantrums in the car. Time of day, nor age, nor day of the week seem to be a factor in the constant CRAP that happens in my super-sweet, mom-mobile. The cries of "I want to sit in that seat, " " I wanted to get in this side, " " I want to close the door, " " I don't want to be buckled in!!!!" BLAH BLAH BLAH! So, like any good, kind, nurturing mother, I started threatening a much higher power than myself, the police. I would catch myself telling the kids that they were "breaking the law" by not buckling themselves or unbuckling themselves and lecture about the absolute danger of being distracted while I drive by fighting and yelling. So, I decided to use law enforcement to help enforce the rules of the road. It has always worked quite well. But today, today was different. It didn't work as quickly as it should have. My "threat", my "threat," was losing its touch. What is a mom to do? So, I followed the wise words of my mother: Follow through.
Today was Miss Lily's turn to throw an absolute fit because she didn't get to close the door with the cool button. Screaming, crying, wailing followed. I needed to act fast. I needed to prove the point. This was my chance. I immediately headed for the police department, of course, lecturing the whole way. We pulled up to the front doors of the police station. Lily sobbing, " I AMMMMMM buckled now MOMMMM! Emme crying, " Please don't get Lily arrested.
As we sat in front of the police station, I continued my lecture with the obvious dangers of not being buckled in and the danger that screaming posed to a driver in the car. At this point (now please don't judge), I had them begging. Follow through, follow through, was all I could think. The advice kept repeating itself in my mind.
Well, I didn't exactly follow through. No arrests were made, no police lectures were given. But, after posing the question while sitting in front of the police station, "What should you do when you get in this car!?!?!?, " the response was short, yet refreshing from both of my oldest at the same time, "LISTEN TO MOMMY!".
Score 1 for this mom and, hopefully, lesson learned.
P.S. I so would have had the police come out and lecture the kids and I'd like to think that I would have objected to any arrest.
One of my biggest pet-peeves: tantrums in the car. Time of day, nor age, nor day of the week seem to be a factor in the constant CRAP that happens in my super-sweet, mom-mobile. The cries of "I want to sit in that seat, " " I wanted to get in this side, " " I want to close the door, " " I don't want to be buckled in!!!!" BLAH BLAH BLAH! So, like any good, kind, nurturing mother, I started threatening a much higher power than myself, the police. I would catch myself telling the kids that they were "breaking the law" by not buckling themselves or unbuckling themselves and lecture about the absolute danger of being distracted while I drive by fighting and yelling. So, I decided to use law enforcement to help enforce the rules of the road. It has always worked quite well. But today, today was different. It didn't work as quickly as it should have. My "threat", my "threat," was losing its touch. What is a mom to do? So, I followed the wise words of my mother: Follow through.
Today was Miss Lily's turn to throw an absolute fit because she didn't get to close the door with the cool button. Screaming, crying, wailing followed. I needed to act fast. I needed to prove the point. This was my chance. I immediately headed for the police department, of course, lecturing the whole way. We pulled up to the front doors of the police station. Lily sobbing, " I AMMMMMM buckled now MOMMMM! Emme crying, " Please don't get Lily arrested.
As we sat in front of the police station, I continued my lecture with the obvious dangers of not being buckled in and the danger that screaming posed to a driver in the car. At this point (now please don't judge), I had them begging. Follow through, follow through, was all I could think. The advice kept repeating itself in my mind.
Well, I didn't exactly follow through. No arrests were made, no police lectures were given. But, after posing the question while sitting in front of the police station, "What should you do when you get in this car!?!?!?, " the response was short, yet refreshing from both of my oldest at the same time, "LISTEN TO MOMMY!".
Score 1 for this mom and, hopefully, lesson learned.
P.S. I so would have had the police come out and lecture the kids and I'd like to think that I would have objected to any arrest.
Friday, March 12, 2010
They Melt in Your Mouth, Not in Your Hand
Came around the corner into the kitchen to find Emme with her hand in a bag of M&Ms. I said something along the lines of, "Are you kidding me, put them back!" Her reply, "Uhhh, I wasn't going to eat them, Mom, I just wanted to see if they would melt in my hands."
At this point I am much more concerned with the fact that my 5-yr old daughter can come up with a flippant lie so quickly above the overt stealing of the candy from the cupboard. She was sent to her room until "Daddy gets home so we can all discuss this."
A longer than needed, yet very telling conversation followed with Miss Emme, Bob and me. The lecture included our "total disappointment" with her dishonesty. She kept her story going (or tried to) and wouldn't budge. At this point, it was a competition, I was going to win. I was going to break this little 5-yr old girl into telling me that she was indeed going to eat the M&Ms. Finally, Bob and I could see on her face exactly what she was thinking "Alright, they're on to me, abort plan A, go with plan B." One head bob, Z-snap, hip-popped "Uhhhh" followed by, "Well, you shouldn't have put them where I could reach them now should you have!"
This is what I am up against.
At this point I am much more concerned with the fact that my 5-yr old daughter can come up with a flippant lie so quickly above the overt stealing of the candy from the cupboard. She was sent to her room until "Daddy gets home so we can all discuss this."
A longer than needed, yet very telling conversation followed with Miss Emme, Bob and me. The lecture included our "total disappointment" with her dishonesty. She kept her story going (or tried to) and wouldn't budge. At this point, it was a competition, I was going to win. I was going to break this little 5-yr old girl into telling me that she was indeed going to eat the M&Ms. Finally, Bob and I could see on her face exactly what she was thinking "Alright, they're on to me, abort plan A, go with plan B." One head bob, Z-snap, hip-popped "Uhhhh" followed by, "Well, you shouldn't have put them where I could reach them now should you have!"
This is what I am up against.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A Tale of 2 Drunks
So when the girls had surgery back-to-back days, each of them had a drug called Versid. The drug is given to relax children before anesthesia. Apparently the effects of Versid are quite a bit like being drunk. So, I got a sneak peek at how my 4 and 5 year old would handle their liquor. The results were much different than I had imagined.
Day 1: Emme
My tough girl. Nothing phases her, nothing stops her. She falls, she gets back up. She runs into a wall and says she is OK before impact. If her reaction to Versid is an accurate indication this will be the child who cannot hold her liquor. Within 10 minutes of getting the meds, she could barely hold her head up and her speech was so slurred, that I couldn't make heads or tails of it. She made no sense and her appendages had minds of their own. I am envisioning some help through some rough nights with this one!!
Day 2: Lily
My sensitive, shy, "weakling." She cries if someone raises their voice, gets scared at loud noises, screams if she gets a scratch. Oh, how the tides turned when the meds hit her system. Within 5 minutes she was waving to every doctor and nurse that walked by and screaming "Hi" and "Hey." Over the course of the next 30 minutes, she told me that I was "The bestest mom ever!" about 10 times. She was trying to catch the "lights" and wanted me to help her catch the ones that she could not reach. She had full body control, clear speech and a HUGE smile! I am envisioning many a drunk dials with this one.
It may not be PC to predict future drunk nights for a 4 and 5 year old. But, I couldn't help but chuckle at the complete opposite reactions that they had. It just goes to show you that the tough ones are not always tough, and the weak ones are not always weak. It also goes to show that even in the midst of surgery, my girls can make me laugh!
Day 1: Emme
My tough girl. Nothing phases her, nothing stops her. She falls, she gets back up. She runs into a wall and says she is OK before impact. If her reaction to Versid is an accurate indication this will be the child who cannot hold her liquor. Within 10 minutes of getting the meds, she could barely hold her head up and her speech was so slurred, that I couldn't make heads or tails of it. She made no sense and her appendages had minds of their own. I am envisioning some help through some rough nights with this one!!
Day 2: Lily
My sensitive, shy, "weakling." She cries if someone raises their voice, gets scared at loud noises, screams if she gets a scratch. Oh, how the tides turned when the meds hit her system. Within 5 minutes she was waving to every doctor and nurse that walked by and screaming "Hi" and "Hey." Over the course of the next 30 minutes, she told me that I was "The bestest mom ever!" about 10 times. She was trying to catch the "lights" and wanted me to help her catch the ones that she could not reach. She had full body control, clear speech and a HUGE smile! I am envisioning many a drunk dials with this one.
It may not be PC to predict future drunk nights for a 4 and 5 year old. But, I couldn't help but chuckle at the complete opposite reactions that they had. It just goes to show you that the tough ones are not always tough, and the weak ones are not always weak. It also goes to show that even in the midst of surgery, my girls can make me laugh!
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Chocolate Touch
Recently on a lazy Saturday morning I smelled the poo. I asked Emme to check to see if Tess had pooped. Her reply, "Nope, but she has chocolate all over her."
Emme is an extremely bright child whom I love dearly, but if someone else called her an airhead, I might not argue.
Emme is an extremely bright child whom I love dearly, but if someone else called her an airhead, I might not argue.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Monistat
This story seems awful to share, but too good to pass up.
One evening I requested that Emme and Lily get their pajamas on and then brush their teeth. The toothbrushes had to be moved to the master bathroom because they are Barbie and that apparently made them toys. Lily trots in to get them and also grabbed the small tube of toothpaste. She headed to the living room to brush her teeth (isn't that where everyone brushes their teeth??). I happened to walk through the and notice the tube of toothpaste. Not toothpaste. Monistat cream. Lily is brushing away. I of course screamed and grabbed her to start washing it out with water. I managed to calm down enough to call Poison Control. I started the conversation with "this is kind of embarrassing." The woman on the phone assured me that she had heard it all. As I started the stroy, she replied with, "Well I haven't heard that one" Not making me feel better at this point. All ended well though as I now know that Monistat is non-toxic. Lily shared the story with all of her friends the next day stating that "mommy didn't like it when I used her lotion to brush my teeth."
So now you all know that I am a super great mom who puts potentially toxic cream in a place that the 4 year old can easily get to it and that I had a yeast infection.
I now know that Monistat is non-toxic, Lily will use anything as toothpaste, and I am wondering now if I could do some trials and market it as the newest teeth whitening system??
One evening I requested that Emme and Lily get their pajamas on and then brush their teeth. The toothbrushes had to be moved to the master bathroom because they are Barbie and that apparently made them toys. Lily trots in to get them and also grabbed the small tube of toothpaste. She headed to the living room to brush her teeth (isn't that where everyone brushes their teeth??). I happened to walk through the and notice the tube of toothpaste. Not toothpaste. Monistat cream. Lily is brushing away. I of course screamed and grabbed her to start washing it out with water. I managed to calm down enough to call Poison Control. I started the conversation with "this is kind of embarrassing." The woman on the phone assured me that she had heard it all. As I started the stroy, she replied with, "Well I haven't heard that one" Not making me feel better at this point. All ended well though as I now know that Monistat is non-toxic. Lily shared the story with all of her friends the next day stating that "mommy didn't like it when I used her lotion to brush my teeth."
So now you all know that I am a super great mom who puts potentially toxic cream in a place that the 4 year old can easily get to it and that I had a yeast infection.
I now know that Monistat is non-toxic, Lily will use anything as toothpaste, and I am wondering now if I could do some trials and market it as the newest teeth whitening system??
The Mom-me Files
My sister coaxed me into starting a blog. Each day I seem to have some crazy story that I can use as my facebook statues and she, among others, can't seem to hear enough about the epic tales of our chaotic life. I hope you enjoy the quirky stories of my life as a full-time, working mother of three girls under the age of 6. Somehow I have managed to keep the "me" in mommy, which is why I have titled this blog the Mom-me Files. It seems like a daily struggle to be a mom, a teacher, a wife and then be "me" on top of it all. Anyone who knows me knows that I find comfort in humor. It is how I deal with just about everything. So, through humor, I have managed to stay sane, and stay "me." Enjoy!
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